Game 152: The One Where Life Stopped Mattering

Against your better instincts you decided to turn off the ‘Dog: The Bounty Hunter’ marathon and go outside.  ‘I’ll go for a walk.. maybe grab a coffee or a beer’ you thought.  You sit down at the bar counter and the man seated next to you glances at you casually.  Crap.  You both recognize each other.  Who knows from where — who cares from where, really.  ‘Is that Gary, or Grant, or maybe it’s Steve’ you think as you shake hands.  It doesn’t matter what his name is.  You’re stuck now.

“Can you believe how beautiful the weather’s been?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love summer and all but I’ll take 70 degrees everyday all year,” said Gary, Grant, or maybe Steve as he let out a light chuckle.

You smile and agree.  This is how you’re going to be passing the time.

This is what life is like now for everything involved with the Washington Nationals.  Sure, everyone is polite enough to sit through a conversation about the weather because there is nothing interesting to talk about, but no one is enjoying it.  Everything involved with the Nationals is in excitement limbo as it’s just beyond the “OMG NL EAST CHAMPS” phase and a bit too early for the “OMG LET’S FINISH OUT AND PLAYOFFS PLAYOFFS PLAYOFFS” phase.  This is a good problem to have, and many other organizations who are in a tight race right now would undoubtedly trade spots, but boy oh boy is it boring.

If the Nationals opened up their four game series against the Marlins last night in a forest, and no one was around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Screen Shot 2014-09-19 at 9.52.35 AM

The Nationals did win, but that’s all I’ll tell you about that.

I’m not mailing it in though.  I’m giving you the same amount of effort as everyone else involved in the production of last night’s game.  This is easy for me to say though, I only have to occupy about 2 minutes of your time.  Nats Xtra pregame show had to figure out a way to bring you 30 minutes of footage.

They started it off by interviewing your local bank branch’s assistant manager:


That footage of pitcher, Blake Treinen, took about 10 seconds.  What next?  How about a pre-taped segment of Dan Kolko and Matt Williams playing fungo golf at Nats Park (considering the duration of this road trip this was filmed a while ago).  Without getting into the specifics of this, the final “hole” of the fungo golf game ended with Matt Williams giving us this face:


Enough about that.  Let’s go to the game.  Bob and FP get me fired up please!

Bob:  “This is one of those series …. where you have to kinda create your own atmosphere. … Marlins are last in the league in attendance with 21,418… probably a fourth of that here tonight.”

OK.  That’s kinda a buzzkill.  Didn’t think I’d have to be making my own atmosphere.  Well, maybe let’s see some crowd shots.  Manipulate me, the viewer at home, with the camera.  I’m sure there are some Nats fans there that are excited about this game.  They can be the pick-me-up we all need!


Yes!  Span IS the man.  That’s what the fan base needed.  A little viewing encouragement.  I’m bought into this game now. Bob and FP come on SELL me on this even more:

FP:  “Not a lot of time put into that sign but we appreciate it”

Pretty cold, FP, pretty cold.  Now, in FPs defense he had literally no clue what day of the week it was:

Wow.  Ok.  See!  I told you we’re in Nats excitement limbo and no one cares.  Well maybe we need to think outside the box to get excited.  Everyone likes a birthday and lo and behold it was Dan Kolko’s 29th birthday!  He pretty much managed to steal the show the other night during the Nats postgame celebration with the players having some fun at his expense, so I’m sure Bob and FP have some good ribbing to add to that.  That’ll get us all laughing and tweeting and glued to the TV.  Bring on the jokes fellas!

Bob: “I’ve got ties older than him.”

I’m sure you do, Bob.

That’s it.  That is all that happened.  Go watch some football or spend time with others this weekend.  It’s about to get real serious for Nationals fans soon enough so enjoy this break and this brief period of time where life stopped mattering:

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